The Winter of LIfe is NOT for Sissy's: Not Needed

The Winter of LIfe is NOT for Sissy's: Not Needed: Not needed is an unusual title.  This, is written purely from my own perspective. Each Christmas we all have expectations of what will happe...

Not Needed

Not needed is an unusual title.  This, is written purely from my own perspective. Each Christmas we all have expectations of what will happen. These expectations come from history, history with our birth families, history with our  own children as they were growing up and the history we are currently making. Gone are the 0600 Christmas mornings with toddler frenzy, there is still paper flying but in a more sedate manner. New Christmas traditions

 I see clearly, that the thing to remember is that all life revolves around change. I raised my children to be independent and to make their own choices. Now, I see this is precisely what they have done. Then there is the reality that they do things as they have chosen to do not as I might be doing.
They manage their homes , have their own routines.  These are their routines, the ones that fit their lifestyle, not mine.  Over time our memories seem to improve the reality of actual experiences.  I can remember pulling taffy during a blizzard, but that sweet moment may not be remembered by anyone else or be replaced with visions of snowball fights. Each one of us has our own memories
So here I am, I do not need to cook,clean or offer advice this family doesn’t need that.  choke,choke
They don’t need me.
Ridiculous!!! of course they need my presence, love and time to help them build memories that will be their own
Time has changed us all , roles are different. This is what we are going for as parents, it is their turn and my way is not the same as their. They grew up to choose their way now its time for me to sit back, love and learn from how they have chosen.  I will still be making more memories and growing in new and different ways.

We are all needed, but how continues to evolve

Some doors must be closed

As I approached Dayton last evening I was struck once again by the beauty of the land.  In 1971 with Gregg safely in ha car seat we started a new life in Ohio.  We were young, hopeful and ready for a new world.  Dayton ,actually Huber Heights proved to be a multitude of life experiences.  There was great love and joy. There was great pain, tears and loss. There was learning and changing as well.  The years have changed the landscape in some ways but the memory of that first sight brought a smile albeit a wistful one, and I was aware that with the exception of only three or four people my years in this area are gone and locked away.  I cherish the positive and wonderful memories but the remainder is locked up. I can't change those bad years, yet neither do I need to relive them. The lessons learned have served well and that is all that is necessary.  I do not and will not entertain negativity or bitterness in my world. I lave learned that being with positive people brings positivity and joy.  So some doors must close and stay closed.
Life is to be lived productively and it can't be done if you are in negative surroundings.
Be peaceful, pray and celebrate life.

Moving Along

This is week three since I finished at Aurora.  I am honestly struggling to adjust to this new world.  It sounds easy, you don't go to work,  you do whatever you want, your time is free.  It is anything but simple.  I lived in a world ruled by my calendar, meetings and deadlines and I did it for decades.  Now I awaken and do not have to rush for the most part to anything.  I am still waking up at 0500 or earlier and staying up later is not working in fixing that issue, if it is an issue. 
I now have the time to actually finish moving into this house.  I have worked on a few things from time to time but since Stan died I never felt a need to complete some of the projects.  It still seems a non issue because who really cares, except me.  I am paring down and separating from many things we collected over the years because it is time for them to live with and brighten some other lives.  I am getting help with this process from a friend who is a pretty good terminator--will you need it, have you used it, what is it for??? out it goes. 
I have parted with some more of the furniture I still own from when Gregg and Jason were born, I am also keeping some, but fifty years of service is a long life.  I have been sorting out Stan's things as well.  His foot locker had his report cards, letters from when he was in the service, and miscellaneous things he wanted to keep.  I have sorted those out, discarded things that were not my concern and  put a few things aside for Nick
The tools he collected so lovingly are now being sorted for what I will and can use and a new life at Habitat Rehome.  He had a relationship with his tools, just I have had the same attachment to those things I thoughtfully collected and added to our home.
The struggle is now it is not our home, but a new home for me, a place where I have to build a new world.  I need it to have memories from all of my life and room for new experiences. 
Today I did exactly what I did not expect, I sat down in the kitchen looking at the empty buffet and hutch and cried.  Cried until my eyes hurt, and was done.
Life goes on and so will the changes in my world. 
Moving along.

When are we ready for the Pasture? Medicare has them built

I was recently in the hospital for a very brief period.  I found there an exacerbated version what everyone one of us over 65 experiences every time we visit a  health care provider.
Medicare appeared in 1965 to provide health care for people over 65, and if you review the questions that are asked participants it is doubtful that they have been examined or revised in those 50+ years.

People in their 60's and 70's in that era lived a different type of life.

Fast forward to 2017.  When I go to see my Primary Care doctor or any other my goal is generally single focused.  I want to fix what is not working correctly and get on with my life. 
What I don't want is:
Unnecessary medications
being Hospitalized
Having treatments that will do nothing to help me
Someone asking me stupid questions, that assuming that  I am feeble
Talking to me as if I cant possibly understand , and  rolling your eyes when I ask for an explanation.

What I need:
Please see me
Apply your questions to what you see, not your script.
I may still have a full time career? Yes this happens.
I have a life, I bike, hike, play cards and have a social life
I want to return to my own world as soon as possible.  I may volunteer at the senior center helping "old "people. 
I may have a ski trip planned, I have a life. I want to live it
Help me get well and quit patronizing me

Be active, do something about outdated Medicare questions that make you sound a little less than intelligent.
I want wide open spaces and the world, not a pasture