Time for an Attitude Change

The Winter of LIFE Is Not for Sissys it is however a time for refletion and personal growth. WE all have some things about ourselves that we need to examine, i am sharing mine to encourage others to look at thiers, not necessarily share but to ponder. Over the course of years we have all developed habits of LIfe and I have been taing stock of some of mine. I went through a period of time when, depresion seemed to rule my life and I was a truly mean girl. I felt life was unfair, i didn't understand why "everyone" else had it better. Better everything! I was unable to see clearly that my choices, and actions were based on what i don't know but i had a very sharp tongue and negativity ruled my heart. I didn't like me and was totally convinced I was unworthy , a failure. I hid my negative self thougths with hurtful words. I had therapy, time and hard work to correct that.today i have a grateful heart. I see the glass as half full or better. I LIKE me, although it remains a struggle and self doubt or second guessing will probebly always remain. Now I problem solve these thoguhts and do understand that I try tp make thoughtful decisions based on what i know at the time and how they will produce a positive outcome. During my darkest times, many times I felt God had passed me by because i was so bad. My own guild fueling this thought. one day I just knew I was not alone and forwhatever reason I was able to pray again. I found a new peace and know that we all have the tools to change. God has provide therapists, medications and friends to have our backs. Now my present thinking is that while I still have guilt over things I did which were mean or out of line, i cannever really change those long ago actions, my job today is to move on, living in the Way, an doing the best as I can. Past actions can be regretted, but should not consume us because we acted then in a way that was all that we could do. If I encounter someone from this time I will certainly try to make amends, but even today as I make decisions about my actions I know I WILL still make mistakes. The difference is that today my motivation and thought process is based on Faith and a belief that with prayerful thought i will make good choices. Today my challenge it to continue to look for kindness, distrubute it and keep praying for the right choices. The WInter of Life is not for Sissys but a time to keep growing!

Life keeps moving on if we are furtunate. As the journey continues we keep changing. The Winteer of Life indeed, is not for Sissies. The challenges continue to seemingly inrease in difficulty or so it may feel.
I have a leak under my sink and 10 yeara ago I would have crawled under the sink to check it out. Today i simply do not think i can physically do it.
There are days when I think i would like to do something and i suddenly realize that is simply is not going to happen today or ever again. Ice skating, skiiing, body surfing and hiking off an established trail are off the menu. Physically I could manage some but the risk of falling gets to be more real and knowing healing takes longer I am not willing to risk some things. THIS does not mean that I am going to sit and rock but i am relapcing some activities with newer more gentle activities. My Mother was over 90 when she died and if her genes are a predictor I have some time left. I also know nothing is promised Soo... Life for many people in my age bracket brings great changes. I am living alone for the first time in my life. I had expected to have a partner to share these years, things change. Change means I need to step up, make those decisions that were in the past mutual. Then true to my nature second guess myself. But the good news is there isn't anyone to argue with about the choices. Which comes to the next issue, when will I not be able to make choices? How will I know? Will I have collaborative input from family and firends or will I be dictated to and pushed into something I don't want? Scary thoughts. Finding new activities and friends to do them with is work. You have to reach out and ask people to actually connect, or volunteer and get out Picking up the phone is sometimes hard. I get lonely but hate to admit it. I crave a hug, or a smile and how do you communicate that?
We have changing needs as time passes and the very hard part is accepting the changes- and then acting accordingly. My next challenge is to find a place to live in the future where i do not have to struggle with repairs, but affordabe housig is another challenge. When should that be? Where shoudl I be? Unanswerd questions for now. But they will ned to be anwered' Tough Choices but i would really prefer to be her to choose. I have so much to bring me joy. Faith that I am never truly alone sustains me. Later