Walk Through Your Fear, You are not getting any younger.

"It's been proven that the only effective way to deal with fear is to walk through it, through the pain that accompanies doing something you're afraid to do. It takes courage to fulfill your commitments, courage to stay on track, courage to follow your dreams, courage to reach your goals, and courage to walk through your fear. Remember, reaching goals is not so much about doing big things when the feeling hits you; it's more about doing little things every day that move you toward your dream. It's about staying steady and on course." ~Francine Ward Quotation is from: Esteemable Acts: 10 Actions for Building Real Self-Esteem I remember landing in San Jose and having my son tell me I would need to take a train to the BART, and then and then. I an older person that had never used public transit in my life, well I pulled up my panties, found the bus that took me to the BART and I got to San Francisco, met some great people on the rides and left CA, an experience rider on their transit system, including the really fun cable cars. I could not tell my son I was afraid, he forced my hand. There have certainly been other things I have been afraid of in my life, and in the past there were times when I simple did nothing rather than face my fear. I would reflect back but then I would get into the only if syndrome. As i look back there never has been anything that I have not been able to tackle , however I need to always keep in mind Just Do It (Nike) because it is when my fear keeps me immobile that FEAR WINS, I am fighting the was one day at a time. Find what it is that will force our hand, in my case it was originally pride because I wouldn't admit fear, but there are other triggers as well, find them and the battles will decrease in number. Fear needs to be the loser for us to fulfill our potentials Just a simple thought for a September Day, another Winter is coming and I need to be ready

Body Surfing, Ice Skating and Minature Golf

What do these three things have in common.  Nothing actually unless you look at them in context of how they came to be grouped on this page.

I shared each of these activities with my Grandsons Collin and Brenden last week.  Making memories for them and me.  I completely understand that the time will be here soon enough when I will not be able to do these things with them.  It is a shame that we cannot be young with our Grandchildren, it would be so much fun.  Aging is a fact of life and while I embrace the changes it brings, I do on occasion mourn the loss of being more flexible, faster and so on. I have just a few thoughts on the each of these and I DID indeed have fun and I hope in their later years the boys will remember Grandma sharing the days with them.

I had not really ever body surfed until I was of an adult age, because I grew up on an inland lake and had never seen an ocean. I had however done a lot of water skiing and other water sports and am an accomplished swimmer.  There is  thrill involved that I certainly understand, I will never feel the thrill of a real surfer, but I get the idea.  Diving into the wave and allowing it to propel you is awesome all the while knowing that you cannot control that wave. Collin is fearless trying to keep up with his brother, and I have to admit seeing his little being out there prompted me to get in and stay in the water.  This brings a feeling of freedom and joy that is impossible to describe.

Growing up on a lake in Wisconsin, ice skating occurred on the frozen lake.  I think I was about four or five when I first skated, about the same age the boys started playing hockey.  I did not skate too long, for the simple reason that the rink was crowded with a lots of very small children, first time skaters, and while I quickly got my skating legs back, I had zero desire to even imagine what it would be like getting up if I fell over one of them..  I proved to Brenden that I could do it, and perhaps on another trip I will try again.  I loved skating both ice and roller and spent a good part of my youth in these activities.  The thrill of skating for me is mastering the balance required to move on the implements on my feet, this is more of a control thing than the surfing.  Either way it is fun and gives one a sense of accomplishment.

Mini golf used to be for dates, now I have made it an activity for the boys.  We have a ball and in this game we equal out.  Each of us has a few great holes and a few not so great ones. But we share, laugh and just enjoy.

The memories we make and made are priceless and I truly hope and pray I never miss an opportunity or fail to try one because I am afraid of looking foolish, or anything else.  I plan to keep on as long as I can swim, swing and glide.

Forgiveness? What is in it for me?

Well, the Rapture did not occur this past weekend.  Perhaps the lunar calendar is off, but personally I think that HE will not announce to anyone when the Time will come. 

That being said, I already know that it is out of my control.  Therefore I will put it away along with all of the other things I already do leave to God.

The sermon yesterday, really made me think about forgiveness.  The concept is not hard to understand, however it is definitely easier said than done.  I know that there are still some people that I have not really forgiven, for what I considered acts of unkindness, or whatever term you might apply personally.
Why do I hang on to these negative thoughts and bitterness?  I do not have a clue and that is what I am working on now, giving them up.

Why this thought?  Bishop Neddi made a great point, what is the benefit to me by continuing to harbor these resentments? 

NOT ONE THING, and those people I harbor the feelings about?  They certainly do not care and they are not one bit affected by what I think, feel or do.  I suppose if I were to act out one beating someone or something else overt, there just might be a reaction.  But I so do suspect that mostly they would feign surprise, and wonder what was that about.

The point is that I am wasting time with negativity, it is not good for my soul and I will be praying again and again to have help in letting go.  I hope that in His patience God will eventually grant me the peace of mind to completely let go.  This stubborn human free will thing is unfortunately alive and well in me.   Pray for me. 

Trusting God is what this is all about

My Life's Investments, Gregg and Jason

The best accomplishment in my life is my children.

They are truly accomplishments.  They are not rich, fameous rather they are increbible friends, honroable men and fiercely loyal to thier own bleiefs.  Gregg is a teriffic Dad and both have become thier own men in thier own ways.

These two men are vastly different in thier lives in an outward manner.  They live thousands of miles apart and lead totally different life styles.  Yet they share a fierce love and loyalty for each other and share that loyalty for friends and family. 

TO say I am proud of them is a gross understatement. I was never a paragon of ideal parent.  I struggled with my own personal demons for years as a single parent, yet thought the Grace of God and the prayers of many people known and unknown kept us together and from any major disasters.

I do know that my love for them never wavered, nor did my belief it their ability to be first class people.

They value friendship and this is demonstrated by the long term friends they have, when I lost a friend of 50 + years , I realized they are both on their way to this kind of relationships.  I did not teach them this, but they both seem to understand  the value of people. 

They are caring and kind.  They will both think this is sappy but perhaps secretly think it is sort of OK, but I am proud of them and  feel that they make a difference in our world in a positive way, a little bit each and every day.

I am Blessed and they are indeed my best work. 

I will write later about my amazing Step Children, I am equally proud of them, thier Mom as a single Mom has done an amazing job as well. 

single Moms have a tough road to navigate, but many of us guided by God suceed beyond our dreams. God is there each and every day, we need only to listen,  


More on the this later

Returning to Trust ( Nouwen)

Returning to Trust
In my own life I well know how hard it is for me to trust that I am loved, and to trust that the intimacy I most crave is there for me. I most often live as if I have to earn love, do something noteworthy, and then perhaps I might get something in return. This attitude touches the whole question of what is called in the spiritual life, the "first love." Do I really believe that I am loved first, independent of what I do or what I accomplish? This is an important question because as long as I think that what I most need I have to earn, deserve and collect by hard work, I will never get what I most need and desire, which is a love that cannot be earned, but that is freely given. Thus, my return is my willingness to renounce such thoughts and to choose to live more and more from my true identity as a cherished child of God.

This struck a definite cord within me and I willcomment on this topic later this week. Feeling loved and undeersanding that weare loved is a complicated human thing.  God does love us unconditionally but accepting ourselves as loveable is a true challenge.

I shall come back to this later this week, but wanted to think this over before furher dialog.

Change, an Invitation to Life: Final Sermon and Challenge to Trinity Episcopal Ch...

Change, an Invitation to Life: Final Sermon and Challenge to Trinity Episcopal Ch...: "Epiphany 7, Feb. 20, 2011No Love, No Nothing O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing: Send your Holy Sp..."

Question is there such a thing as failure?

I spent part of this afternoon thinking about someone who told me this week that they think they are a complete failure.  I certainly had to disagree, but I patiently and thoughtfully listened.  I did not really comment, but did question.  What we both learned is that much of what she defines as failure is really expectations that others seem to have set for her.  She is journaling today to define goals, hers alone.  this requires some work.

Now just thinking can anyone really fail?  I have my opinions but would like yours.