Time for an Attitude Change

The Winter of LIFE Is Not for Sissys it is however a time for refletion and personal growth. WE all have some things about ourselves that we need to examine, i am sharing mine to encourage others to look at thiers, not necessarily share but to ponder. Over the course of years we have all developed habits of LIfe and I have been taing stock of some of mine. I went through a period of time when, depresion seemed to rule my life and I was a truly mean girl. I felt life was unfair, i didn't understand why "everyone" else had it better. Better everything! I was unable to see clearly that my choices, and actions were based on what i don't know but i had a very sharp tongue and negativity ruled my heart. I didn't like me and was totally convinced I was unworthy , a failure. I hid my negative self thougths with hurtful words. I had therapy, time and hard work to correct that.today i have a grateful heart. I see the glass as half full or better. I LIKE me, although it remains a struggle and self doubt or second guessing will probebly always remain. Now I problem solve these thoguhts and do understand that I try tp make thoughtful decisions based on what i know at the time and how they will produce a positive outcome. During my darkest times, many times I felt God had passed me by because i was so bad. My own guild fueling this thought. one day I just knew I was not alone and forwhatever reason I was able to pray again. I found a new peace and know that we all have the tools to change. God has provide therapists, medications and friends to have our backs. Now my present thinking is that while I still have guilt over things I did which were mean or out of line, i cannever really change those long ago actions, my job today is to move on, living in the Way, an doing the best as I can. Past actions can be regretted, but should not consume us because we acted then in a way that was all that we could do. If I encounter someone from this time I will certainly try to make amends, but even today as I make decisions about my actions I know I WILL still make mistakes. The difference is that today my motivation and thought process is based on Faith and a belief that with prayerful thought i will make good choices. Today my challenge it to continue to look for kindness, distrubute it and keep praying for the right choices. The WInter of Life is not for Sissys but a time to keep growing!

Life keeps moving on if we are furtunate. As the journey continues we keep changing. The Winteer of Life indeed, is not for Sissies. The challenges continue to seemingly inrease in difficulty or so it may feel.
I have a leak under my sink and 10 yeara ago I would have crawled under the sink to check it out. Today i simply do not think i can physically do it.
There are days when I think i would like to do something and i suddenly realize that is simply is not going to happen today or ever again. Ice skating, skiiing, body surfing and hiking off an established trail are off the menu. Physically I could manage some but the risk of falling gets to be more real and knowing healing takes longer I am not willing to risk some things. THIS does not mean that I am going to sit and rock but i am relapcing some activities with newer more gentle activities. My Mother was over 90 when she died and if her genes are a predictor I have some time left. I also know nothing is promised Soo... Life for many people in my age bracket brings great changes. I am living alone for the first time in my life. I had expected to have a partner to share these years, things change. Change means I need to step up, make those decisions that were in the past mutual. Then true to my nature second guess myself. But the good news is there isn't anyone to argue with about the choices. Which comes to the next issue, when will I not be able to make choices? How will I know? Will I have collaborative input from family and firends or will I be dictated to and pushed into something I don't want? Scary thoughts. Finding new activities and friends to do them with is work. You have to reach out and ask people to actually connect, or volunteer and get out Picking up the phone is sometimes hard. I get lonely but hate to admit it. I crave a hug, or a smile and how do you communicate that?
We have changing needs as time passes and the very hard part is accepting the changes- and then acting accordingly. My next challenge is to find a place to live in the future where i do not have to struggle with repairs, but affordabe housig is another challenge. When should that be? Where shoudl I be? Unanswerd questions for now. But they will ned to be anwered' Tough Choices but i would really prefer to be her to choose. I have so much to bring me joy. Faith that I am never truly alone sustains me. Later

Thoughts of Summer Holidays

Growing up summers were a hub if weekend activities.  Aunts and Uncles arrived on the weekends to fish, the “women cooked, talked and laughed a lot.  I think that I expected that family weekends would always just happen.  What I didn’t grasp was that since both of my parents were only children and I only had one sister the sea of relatives would literally dry up.

The times were relaxed and felt like a big comfortable cloud wrapping me in sun and blue skies.  They were happy times, times I remember with a wistful smile  The memories are probably exaggerated in my mind but good memories often look even better in retrospection.  This does set the bar high; perhaps too high with the changes of time.

Now the family is very different, my sister and her daughters are in one place, my children are
Grown and thousands of miles away as I am still traveling for work.  The family gatherings
I treasured as a little girl are not even a possibility Or are they?  Perhaps time to reconfigure?

I can’t manufacture new relatives but there are options.  We do this now with a small group that gathers oweekends.  Perhaps a trip back on time requires a little
More work but the traditional summer gathering focused on food and conversation can be enjoyed by merely asking others to share their time and appetites.  I must be the one to change what I do: it is time for me to change and work on new celebrations.

Summer memories are waiting for me.  My choices my efforts

Legacy, What does it Mean

We will all leave a legacy as a result of our simply just being here on this earth.

I found many different uses for this word

1. legacy(Noun)
   money or property bequeathed to someone in a will
2. legacy(Noun)
   Something inherited from a predecessor; a heritage
   John Muir left as his legacy an enduring spirit of respect for the environment.
3. legacy(Noun)
   The descendant of an alumnus
   Because she was a legacy, her mother's sorority rushed her.
4. legacy(Adjective)
   of a computer system that has been in service for many years and that a business still relies upon, even though it is becoming expensive or difficult to maintain
5. legacy(Adjective)
   left behind; old or no longer in active use
   
   
   Each one refers to something passed on,  I feel unfortunately that there are many people in this world that focus on leaving material things  as their legacy.  Families that guard their money and possessions with the intent of passing it along. It can become an obsession. 
   
   
   One simple example I can think of is the China. Yes china, many of us have sets of precious china that belonged to our mothers, Grandmother or other significant family member.  In many instances these dishes are brought out rarely for use of special occasions that seem to be increasingly further apart.  I have such dishes-when I pass on who will want them?  I can guarantee my youngest son who have limited storage and leads a lifestyle that does not frequently include formal gatherings will have no use for these lovely pieces.  moving along to my oldest son, he leads a lifestyle  that is more modern and current and these  nearly 100 year old dishes are not a pert of his world either.
   
   
   Why am I talking about dishes?  they are merely a symbol for the possessions including money that we struggle with trying to determining to whom and where our possessions will go.
   
   
   I raised my children and they are independent, not exotically wealthy but rich in the things I thing are important. Love, compassion, true friends, honest and hard working,  
   
   
   I will perhaps have money left for them, perhaps not  I have certainly worked to be certain my material things will be cared for and if there is actually money it had been determined where it goes.
   
   
   The entire idea that I owe them a huge or any financial legacy seems contradictory to me.  In our world today we have changing traditions and lifestyles but life has not changed.  
   
   
   The legacy I hope is left is memories of unconditional love, support and a belief that we can make our world better.
   My professional legacy has been to help mentor and encourage others in the care of others. I feel strongly that I probably did this better than raising children.  I put myself into both and because we continue to learn and grow I hope that i continue to add to the lives of those I touch.
   
   
   My goal is to leave memories of someone who cared, loved her children with absolute abandon, and,  created memories over time, a person of Faith, and a recollection of someone who continues to grow and learn until her last breath.  Living life in the present
   
   
   This would be my legacy, live each and every day respecting the fact the we do not know how many more days we will have. Love and respect each other.  Take a chance on people and reach out to others, always learn, and be grateful for the present and what you have in this real time.
   
   
   More thoughts on this later

A New Year Begins

2017 did not start out well for me in some respects.

I fell one night and after a totally horrid experience in a hospital where I worked was finally diagnosed with a fractured pelvis,  Later a secondary fracture was noted that was initially missed. The bottom line to this was that I was confined to my house for the remainder of January, Feb and some of March.  I could not lay down so I slept in my recliner for months.  Thankfully I do not have clear memories of this time, pain was intense and because of an intolerance for the dreaded opioid  I had little to relieve the pain beyond aspirin.  My friend and caretaker Peg, has s few stories to tell but there is no need for me to remember.

During this time and still my Grandson was very ill and he is also recovering, I am older but I still feel so awful for him, because he missed so much,  He is doing well and prayers continue to ask for complete recovery.

Recovery was slow and I worked from home for several months and concluded my assignment with the hops ital system I worked for as an interim.

Then things did pick up.  I rested, gardened, did things with friends like a normal person.  I was able to visit with special friends and my grandsons came to visit.  My summer was one good thing after another.  In August I was fortunate enough to be invited to view the Total Eclipse from a point where it was experienced in totality. This was a experience not to be repeated and certainly reinforces to me that God has created a marvelous place for us to live.

That was not the end of my adventure-the same friends invited me to travel with them down the Tennessee River, TomBigBee waterway from MS to Mobile Alabama.  The journey was awesome an experience with nature that is hard to duplicate.  There is limited civilization on the waterway but we caravan-ed with others.  Eagles, herons, dolphins in the Bay were some of the species we did see, but just the sheer isolation was impressive.  At night the stars seemed withing reach, the peace and tranquility and lack of technology was  peaceful.  I was happy to have the technology for the boats present, but conversation, games and just companionship grow without distractions

i made another side trip to Ohio to help a special couple celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary.  It was bitter sweet, because as happy as I am for them it did remind me that Stan did not quite make it to our 25th.   It was a happy time though, because we celebrated them and remembered Stan as well this is as it should me.

On to the final part of the year.
I drove to Texas to be with my son and his family. 
Interesting fact, Fifty years ago on New Years i attended the Ice Bowl in Green Bay.  The Packers beat Dallas in that extremely memorable game.
This year I celebrated with the boys at the Dallas Cowboys stadium at the Cotton Bowl.  Where Ohio State defeated USC.  I guess i should go to more bowl games since, I seem to bring my team good luck!

Now 2018 begins.  What next?

The Winter of LIfe is NOT for Sissy's: Not Needed

The Winter of LIfe is NOT for Sissy's: Not Needed: Not needed is an unusual title.  This, is written purely from my own perspective. Each Christmas we all have expectations of what will happe...

Not Needed

Not needed is an unusual title.  This, is written purely from my own perspective. Each Christmas we all have expectations of what will happen. These expectations come from history, history with our birth families, history with our  own children as they were growing up and the history we are currently making. Gone are the 0600 Christmas mornings with toddler frenzy, there is still paper flying but in a more sedate manner. New Christmas traditions

 I see clearly, that the thing to remember is that all life revolves around change. I raised my children to be independent and to make their own choices. Now, I see this is precisely what they have done. Then there is the reality that they do things as they have chosen to do not as I might be doing.
They manage their homes , have their own routines.  These are their routines, the ones that fit their lifestyle, not mine.  Over time our memories seem to improve the reality of actual experiences.  I can remember pulling taffy during a blizzard, but that sweet moment may not be remembered by anyone else or be replaced with visions of snowball fights. Each one of us has our own memories
So here I am, I do not need to cook,clean or offer advice this family doesn’t need that.  choke,choke
They don’t need me.
Ridiculous!!! of course they need my presence, love and time to help them build memories that will be their own
Time has changed us all , roles are different. This is what we are going for as parents, it is their turn and my way is not the same as their. They grew up to choose their way now its time for me to sit back, love and learn from how they have chosen.  I will still be making more memories and growing in new and different ways.

We are all needed, but how continues to evolve