THE WINTER OF LIFE IS NOT FOR SISSIES. What do you see?

Aging is indeed, not for Sissie’s. It is hard work for many reasons. Aging brings with it so many challenges but the one I am focusing on now is what we see, and what others see. Sometimes when I look into the mirror I see reality, an aging overweight, wrinkled woman--that is the reality: but other times I see the browned eyed, twenty-five year old person I used to see in the mirror. who danced to hard rock doing housework and walked in the rain. You see, they both live inside me. People are so much more than what you physically see, they are experiences, years of laughter, tears, and toil as well. My children and Grandchildren know me in those roles and yet I seriously doubt they that know the person who makes those roles happen. they see what they see, and experience: and yet, this is only a small part of the person I am. This is not a bad thing, it is life. We don't probably know our children as people too well either. I don't know their daily routines, little irritations, small pleasures unless I am there. I think we, perhaps just me, define others by what we see and experience. This is what makes sense. I started sharing a few stories about my childhood with my Grandsons, do they read them? I hope so but sharing some of these bits of our lives opens windows to the person we see in the mirror. A difficult part of aging is that we become increasingly invisible as we age. You know you have reached this point when people seem to glance past you instead of looking at you, speak loudly because they assume you can’t hear, tsk in annoyance when you walk too slowly, start calling you dear and other words that are too personal, but seem appropriate when talking to an old person? I can't say i understand but it is annoying and insulting. How do I see younger people? It only fair to share this am I looking at younger people the way I wish to be seen, as a person of many facets or am I steroty0ing them as I often feel I am? along with aging is the difficult task of seeing younger people as people too. when I see a person with red or green hair, I think wow I wish I had, had the courage to do something like that, or remember another time when I didn't take a risk. I know I can't understand the struggles they have had with Covid disrupting their lives, we never experienced that. Today young people practice mass shooting drills, we got under our desks for nuclear bomb scares. Neither seems to have a real escape but I personally feel the world is scarier today. The way people dress at any age, is individual and I admit I have a difficult time not judging by appearance, but I do like wild hair, colors but modesty is also something I advocate. (I did wear hot pants, and minis but more seemed to be covered). The hard work of Living is really seeing our world and others in a real way. We are supposed to Love One Another and I firmly believe God created all of us to live in this world. My job is perhaps to look and others and see them as I see myself in that mirror, many people, many faces, and sum total of all those years. Aging is not for Sissies, but neither is Living.

The Winter of Life is Not for Sissys Loving One's Self

growing older is definitely a priviledge. Far too many people I knew did not get this opportunity. This is simply a fact and aging if we are is a priviledge. This weekend I heard Bishop Michael Curry deliver a consecration message and as many of his refelctions are, it was centered on Love. We are called to Love one Another, all others!. the others needs to remind us that includes loving ourselves. John 13:34-35 4 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. Luke 6:35 - But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. I need to love myself more to make better choices and decisions. I am in a season of life that consists of many more LASTS than FIRSTS. This is not a time to give up trying new things by any means, it does mean adjusting our expectations of what we can do. I wanted to ski the Alps as a young woman, that advanced to visit the Alps and now I watch videos. I do realistically believe I will be not able to personally see the Apls or Tahaiti. I can do armchair visits and technology allows me to do this. I make frequent road trips and because of the lengths of these trips, people often ask me How?, Why? and when I ansewer "because I can," I am not being disinguine in any way. I fully realize that somtime in the future, driving thousands of miles will not be possible for me. I will drive and thrive as long as I can. There will be an end to this skill. It is a natural progression of how aging works. I need to love myself and othes enough to keep trying, learning and growing. Yes, growing! I can't do some things i used to do, but i can still try new things, things that are doable with my aging physical self. Walking, instead ot hiking-I can drive to trails and explore to my ability. I do not have to do the difficult trails to enjoy the beauth and peace of nature. Reading new books, discussions, new groups. Signing up for a new class, attend a Y or Senior center actvity, I have made new friends each year and it requires reaching out or going new places. Big secret, I do not like going into new situations, I am afraid of them. I do make myself try new situations. Guess what? Once there, I remind myself everyone was once a stranger. Yes, there are cliques and many groups do not welcome new people because change is hard for them. Be the change, find your own group, volunteer, new epxeriences and new friends are right there. This is beginning to sound like like a downer,it really is not. Change is hard for some. Be the change, find your own group, volunteer, new experiences, and new friends are right there. Aging is not a picnic, but it is a new experience. none of us has ever been this age before. I embrace making the most of it. Mobile meditation is something I have embraced since Covid. I spent many hours driving and finding places that appealed to me where I could take photos, meditate, and just revel in the beauty of our Created world. I frequently return to the same places, because as I learned as a child there will be something new each time I visit, if I but look. None of us know how long we will physically be here, but as I age the reality passing into the next life seems more eminent. This tells me to live and learn. Nowhere have I ever heard that getting older means you should sit and wait. Getting older is a challenge, it requires effort and resilience. We are told to love one another, love ourselves and do the work we are here to do. So today, 1 May 2023 it is snowing, and I WILL try to love it. Grudgingly! The Winter of Life is Not for Sissy’s and here in Wisconsin it is tenacious.

Lemons to Lemonade ( on being a widow)

Yeserday someone asked me whiy I still belonged to a Widow/Widoweeer group. The rationale is it has been seven years since Stan died and why would I still need to belong to group like this? I had to think about it and these are some of my thoughts. Being a widowed is not a choice. One day you are a couple and the next day you and alone. It is not a choice. It just is. Good marriage or not great there are still memories that pop up. Even people who have remarried have their days when a tear can roll out, with an unexpected memory. There is not a cutoff date for grief, in fact giref is probably more unpredictablee than any thing I can think of as an example. Everyone has thier own way of handling grief and there ceeretainly is not a right answeer. The thing is is that included with the grieving is learning to live a comletely different life. The other par of us us gone and a million little things come up that you never realized thee other did For example for decades Stan made the morning coffee, It took me months to actually make some for myself, Not lazineess just a hard thing to do for me. I went right back to work because it kept me busy, but the nights were hell. I had neever , ever lived alone beforee, once you are part of a couple and then you arent some friends (couples disappear because the third is awarkward for them). I am blessed to have couplee firends where all three of us have a great time and all is well, but you have to be comfortablee with being friends with couples. I love bing around people who are happy with each otheer, it is contagious and never fails to make me feel goodl I adimit I am envious but find it uplifiting to enjoy thier happiness.

Time for an Attitude Change

The Winter of LIFE Is Not for Sissys it is however a time for refletion and personal growth. WE all have some things about ourselves that we need to examine, i am sharing mine to encourage others to look at thiers, not necessarily share but to ponder. Over the course of years we have all developed habits of LIfe and I have been taing stock of some of mine. I went through a period of time when, depresion seemed to rule my life and I was a truly mean girl. I felt life was unfair, i didn't understand why "everyone" else had it better. Better everything! I was unable to see clearly that my choices, and actions were based on what i don't know but i had a very sharp tongue and negativity ruled my heart. I didn't like me and was totally convinced I was unworthy , a failure. I hid my negative self thougths with hurtful words. I had therapy, time and hard work to correct that.today i have a grateful heart. I see the glass as half full or better. I LIKE me, although it remains a struggle and self doubt or second guessing will probebly always remain. Now I problem solve these thoguhts and do understand that I try tp make thoughtful decisions based on what i know at the time and how they will produce a positive outcome. During my darkest times, many times I felt God had passed me by because i was so bad. My own guild fueling this thought. one day I just knew I was not alone and forwhatever reason I was able to pray again. I found a new peace and know that we all have the tools to change. God has provide therapists, medications and friends to have our backs. Now my present thinking is that while I still have guilt over things I did which were mean or out of line, i cannever really change those long ago actions, my job today is to move on, living in the Way, an doing the best as I can. Past actions can be regretted, but should not consume us because we acted then in a way that was all that we could do. If I encounter someone from this time I will certainly try to make amends, but even today as I make decisions about my actions I know I WILL still make mistakes. The difference is that today my motivation and thought process is based on Faith and a belief that with prayerful thought i will make good choices. Today my challenge it to continue to look for kindness, distrubute it and keep praying for the right choices. The WInter of Life is not for Sissys but a time to keep growing!

Life keeps moving on if we are furtunate. As the journey continues we keep changing. The Winteer of Life indeed, is not for Sissies. The challenges continue to seemingly inrease in difficulty or so it may feel.
I have a leak under my sink and 10 yeara ago I would have crawled under the sink to check it out. Today i simply do not think i can physically do it.
There are days when I think i would like to do something and i suddenly realize that is simply is not going to happen today or ever again. Ice skating, skiiing, body surfing and hiking off an established trail are off the menu. Physically I could manage some but the risk of falling gets to be more real and knowing healing takes longer I am not willing to risk some things. THIS does not mean that I am going to sit and rock but i am relapcing some activities with newer more gentle activities. My Mother was over 90 when she died and if her genes are a predictor I have some time left. I also know nothing is promised Soo... Life for many people in my age bracket brings great changes. I am living alone for the first time in my life. I had expected to have a partner to share these years, things change. Change means I need to step up, make those decisions that were in the past mutual. Then true to my nature second guess myself. But the good news is there isn't anyone to argue with about the choices. Which comes to the next issue, when will I not be able to make choices? How will I know? Will I have collaborative input from family and firends or will I be dictated to and pushed into something I don't want? Scary thoughts. Finding new activities and friends to do them with is work. You have to reach out and ask people to actually connect, or volunteer and get out Picking up the phone is sometimes hard. I get lonely but hate to admit it. I crave a hug, or a smile and how do you communicate that?
We have changing needs as time passes and the very hard part is accepting the changes- and then acting accordingly. My next challenge is to find a place to live in the future where i do not have to struggle with repairs, but affordabe housig is another challenge. When should that be? Where shoudl I be? Unanswerd questions for now. But they will ned to be anwered' Tough Choices but i would really prefer to be her to choose. I have so much to bring me joy. Faith that I am never truly alone sustains me. Later

Thoughts of Summer Holidays

Growing up summers were a hub if weekend activities.  Aunts and Uncles arrived on the weekends to fish, the “women cooked, talked and laughed a lot.  I think that I expected that family weekends would always just happen.  What I didn’t grasp was that since both of my parents were only children and I only had one sister the sea of relatives would literally dry up.

The times were relaxed and felt like a big comfortable cloud wrapping me in sun and blue skies.  They were happy times, times I remember with a wistful smile  The memories are probably exaggerated in my mind but good memories often look even better in retrospection.  This does set the bar high; perhaps too high with the changes of time.

Now the family is very different, my sister and her daughters are in one place, my children are
Grown and thousands of miles away as I am still traveling for work.  The family gatherings
I treasured as a little girl are not even a possibility Or are they?  Perhaps time to reconfigure?

I can’t manufacture new relatives but there are options.  We do this now with a small group that gathers oweekends.  Perhaps a trip back on time requires a little
More work but the traditional summer gathering focused on food and conversation can be enjoyed by merely asking others to share their time and appetites.  I must be the one to change what I do: it is time for me to change and work on new celebrations.

Summer memories are waiting for me.  My choices my efforts

Legacy, What does it Mean

We will all leave a legacy as a result of our simply just being here on this earth.

I found many different uses for this word

1. legacy(Noun)
   money or property bequeathed to someone in a will
2. legacy(Noun)
   Something inherited from a predecessor; a heritage
   John Muir left as his legacy an enduring spirit of respect for the environment.
3. legacy(Noun)
   The descendant of an alumnus
   Because she was a legacy, her mother's sorority rushed her.
4. legacy(Adjective)
   of a computer system that has been in service for many years and that a business still relies upon, even though it is becoming expensive or difficult to maintain
5. legacy(Adjective)
   left behind; old or no longer in active use
   
   
   Each one refers to something passed on,  I feel unfortunately that there are many people in this world that focus on leaving material things  as their legacy.  Families that guard their money and possessions with the intent of passing it along. It can become an obsession. 
   
   
   One simple example I can think of is the China. Yes china, many of us have sets of precious china that belonged to our mothers, Grandmother or other significant family member.  In many instances these dishes are brought out rarely for use of special occasions that seem to be increasingly further apart.  I have such dishes-when I pass on who will want them?  I can guarantee my youngest son who have limited storage and leads a lifestyle that does not frequently include formal gatherings will have no use for these lovely pieces.  moving along to my oldest son, he leads a lifestyle  that is more modern and current and these  nearly 100 year old dishes are not a pert of his world either.
   
   
   Why am I talking about dishes?  they are merely a symbol for the possessions including money that we struggle with trying to determining to whom and where our possessions will go.
   
   
   I raised my children and they are independent, not exotically wealthy but rich in the things I thing are important. Love, compassion, true friends, honest and hard working,  
   
   
   I will perhaps have money left for them, perhaps not  I have certainly worked to be certain my material things will be cared for and if there is actually money it had been determined where it goes.
   
   
   The entire idea that I owe them a huge or any financial legacy seems contradictory to me.  In our world today we have changing traditions and lifestyles but life has not changed.  
   
   
   The legacy I hope is left is memories of unconditional love, support and a belief that we can make our world better.
   My professional legacy has been to help mentor and encourage others in the care of others. I feel strongly that I probably did this better than raising children.  I put myself into both and because we continue to learn and grow I hope that i continue to add to the lives of those I touch.
   
   
   My goal is to leave memories of someone who cared, loved her children with absolute abandon, and,  created memories over time, a person of Faith, and a recollection of someone who continues to grow and learn until her last breath.  Living life in the present
   
   
   This would be my legacy, live each and every day respecting the fact the we do not know how many more days we will have. Love and respect each other.  Take a chance on people and reach out to others, always learn, and be grateful for the present and what you have in this real time.
   
   
   More thoughts on this later